justwrite 3 february

It started out with the idea of being a poem but all I could think about was the blank space the sound that was silence in the moment before the steps through the dark below my window the squeaking sound of boots on snow that is ice twice as much focus on this yesterday standing in front of taras in front of the movie theater in the middle of another town waiting for someone but not sure from which direction planning to say something about the reason I was waiting outside still something about this sound and demonstrations involved look when you stick your heel in and twist back and forth really it’s amazing there is no sound like this and he would point out that it’s cold outside and I would say listen listen and probably he would but also he would be right and you’re right this didn’t happen in the past only in the hypothetical the conditional tense the right one because a phone call and a walk instead of a wait and lifted that right off my shoulders holding reality in such high regard as I do I’ll tell you it’s hard to lie about that and besides there are witnesses who with bigness of heart would try their best but to test their honesty you’d probably find they’d undermine my story the glory of knowledge is knowing it’s true and the rest of what we do is somewhat suspect because why doesn’t this one write and why doesn’t that one call her back and why do these fight in such cold over something so small these are questions without directions that lead toward answers maybe lonely maybe only the same it’s always been and it’s a spin with no dice would be nice to play some numbers to cash through some sort of layover but there’s hardly that kind of dough around here to cook up let’s look up some references let’s cite them in all deference and let the show get on with its own bad self waiting for the channel to change for the curtains to rearrange the view the strangers in the day and night who capitalize all the words for a bright looking exchange taking stock and locking barrels and if I ever tell you about the time then I’m blown right away in the thinking of it already trying for a steady stream of advice but it’s nice enough to choose the right gift for someone else every now and then and can we ask for more of course but it’s a piledup way from divorce to sunset and all the books that haven’t been read are scattered across the dashboard so where do you think you’re going?