31 august

paddling through clouds allows us to reevaluate - up and down, back and forth, fear and bravery, adventure and disaster, balance and unsteadiness - uncertainty in the face of choices, rejoicing as we come to know - now is one, later may be another - standing on the right feet, knowing for the right reasons - make the decisions that make up truths - lean into leaning into life - i have never before and now i have - space that opens up when you can draw back whole acres of water and wind behind you, strokes of genius, artistry of creation - a station we tune into as listeners, as members - supporters of opportunities that come to be around turns and in caves, encoded for the asking, next steps for the tasking - steady as we go -

30 august

and in the space between there is no reason no explanation the fascination with time passing - gassing on the breaks and faking out the folly - holly jolly oxenfree - this is what it meant to me to float upon the lake - to take pleasure in the sky with no worries about time - lime in the coconut and then you'll feel better - wash the rosebuds as you may, keep them fresh and dewy - brew the bats and beasts and add bay leaves for something chewy! posture appealing but muscles into practice - elastic and flexible and better still to come - call the doctor, break the bank - the sun sets in every weather - coals and carrots and ceiling tacks - keep it up and mind the veg - cooking for tomorrow

29 august

a seeping bag often indicates that you have really earned the sleep which you are about to chase - not to be instantly granted, but to slide down into and zip up within - the sleep of slippery nylon and breathing space out the end of a cocoon - departing for vacation should be the same feeling i practice when departing for the weekend - leave it all behind and do something else! create the space by deciding what and who and how can enter - let us give ourselves full permission for full time fully spent on ourselves and our own interests - following our passions, not followed by responsibilities - an over-inflated sense of self-importance, the idea of holding up the tent poles on tiptoes while all the rain is puddling up and everyone is crowding under - left it higher, keep it up longer -

28 august

into the fridge for morning water and the shucked corn and half watermelon are still here - of course they're there - living alone means few at-home surprises, in the fridge or anyelsewhere - a birthday card undelivered is still a set of greetings - the thoughts that counted up to six and all the queen's girls in a row - now the time for apologies, past the time for despondency and earlier still until no - let us make our dreams out of cotton and let us hang all the plans out to dry - we try ourselves to sleep but also there are tootight bookends and toodeep backbends that try to put humpty back together - whether or not the plot is thick enough, we could all use a little more sleep - we could all keep our hands a little more too ourselves - the healths of all involved and the marvels that we've solved so many new opportunities - we plainly see our own limitations, saving the nations from their own identities - freezeframe of happiness before all the tumbling down - i have saved all the bases but the chase is to someone else - the broader health of state of mind redefines - and a dog comes down the sidewalk - trottles - toddles waddles trots - more or less an elegance of the corgi sort - doesn't purport to be anything other - moving the day forward in a timely requirement - on we go and over and the dog will have our day - taking imagination in its teeth as we wonder after our own walks

27 august

too sad for watermelon - not enough to fill the empty - distraction is the wit to want what's else while never landing quite on target - a fair bet to know better - to ask for more and get less is a stress test that no one's passing - glassing over the eyes and glazing all the donuts - a hole in one and omitted letters in the next - the best yet to come but hasn't got a ticket still - no one wants to be on that train - no one mines for gold in coincidence and yet and yet and yet we all do - finding meaning in meeting and turning feet to fate - there is a path but still no signposts - no need to dig holes, there's nothing to hang -

26 august

it's an empty feeling - sadness only when i press down, anger only when i twist like this - no idea of next - turning away, though, from wallowing - the shades and shadows cast on everything else - the tightly booked calendar - cannot be resolved so easily - a wait-and-see attitude - how can - how can

quiet is the way i' reaching out - listening for to learn - where are the places we ought to replace here or should i be walking away - a hollow feeling - the backer backing away - nothing else to think about - everything returns to point at this point -

nobody to hold my hand down the street - episodes are ending - new season uncertain - breathe and sleep - take a shower, wash it off

25 august

not easy
at least said
the release
the breathing out
no sense of next
toss turningly
page through suggestions

i am not afraid of being alone

everything into hyperbole
always

all the king's horses
all the king's men
take five
take ten
why not put it back again?

so many flashlights
so many complains abut the dark

24 august

ate long-awaited watermelon without pleasure
too heavy to appreciate cool sweet crisp
leaving behind juice, even walls thick with red
seedless pursuit, sleepless night
deep breathing fail to calm

the absurdity of energy
spent and sent
an unreturned direction
earned concern
burning lips and dismissing hopes

anecdotes
little bits of nothing
crocheted into cover
cool responses to warm overtures

the softwarm i'd returned to
now turned away
there was never any space for me
chill of morning unresolved

23 august

new notebooks
the consideration thereof
how we know that's not the point
all the horses and all the men
multilingual parking lot
shouting out for forgotten coolers
wayward hats
toward picnics, goodbyes
summer time is closing
a dream i had last night
putting everything in order
can't remember what was out
waking up with a headache
earn the right to sleep through night
subconscious mumblings

is there a better way to?
why am i still?
think of me at all?
fringe of possibility
sadness from this angle
show i'm now subscribing to
worth changing the channel from
evidence of whynot
fade away instead

keep the channel open
pick up plan and bring along
wrap myself with care

22 august

i would keep going
i would throw all in
leave the conference room behind
toast the health of more sacred beliefs
better yet, the wind
grow dirt in some accidental corners
enough to grow from else
furthering of the self
pieces that have scattered
everything we thought that mattered
and the winding of the sheets
streets that lead to nowhere
cavalcade of spades

leaders and their circumstances
making up the steps to dances
once they saw on tv

small airports and uniforms
landing where we weren't before
stepping into wonder

trialed and found wanting
keep ideas a-flowing
stopped from going
crash, fall and dash as the banks get overdrawn
weeds all take the lawn
bursting out to flowers
hours stolen back
tracking down the answers
looking for the clues

retorts are for the weary
while the stronger get it done
call the knife and cut the cord
drop and give me everything you have
until you drop
tried and warned my overthoughts
-- those are not the shoes i bought --
easing into seasons filled with sense of moving on
strong enough to make believe
cut the cord and take the cake and we'll go out for dinner

21 august

for my own protection
am i redirected
this senseless press
styles filed away under vogue or irrelevant
trash in the outhouse and outlaws in the kitchen
twitch and see: the word is good
wild enough for vegetables
the truck will take the cart horse out for dinner
no charm is foul
too much is also rough
stuff the shirt, hang the fruitpies

try me a riverbed and see how i sleep
deep in the pockets of a hundred rocks
talk is cheap when the reaper's not grim
sink swimmingly as the dinner party downloads

playing the fool and also the king
plead insanity
when calamity comes for dinner
thinner than an albatross and twice at least as tall

more than a glitch of coincidental engineering
fearing the steering will give out, we bring our doubts
steer bluffs to all the right listeners
twisting blurs the disregard
all the cards are stacked
we are the traps we set ourselves
we are the first person plural
mind full of disregard
too allaround to focus on
crows and feet and ceiling wax
smoothing out the overhead

20 august

and then i found that the space between was almost as stifling - because otherwise i would keep moving, otherwise i would make decisions - let me know and i will go - on and up and watch me how i work - still i rise and mainly i sit - there are spaces i will not belong to, lists i cannot close off, channels i don't subscribe to: watch me while i go, whistle while i while away the play of the thing, the alexandrine bling, a gordian knot and frayed one, too - true and all the cattle call, lighter way to fail, darker shades of pale (pages more outrageous, catch me as i fall)

19 august

doesn't cost as much as the practice
atlas shrugs
tugs at heartstrings
resounding pings and pulls in
just a few lines
to go on is just that
back in the squeaky seat
no one here is self-conscious
(let me tell you all about it)
no staying
the execution of continuity
exit promptly to start
the flow of oxygen
all along the hurryup
the fascination of the runway
(we are number one for departure)
listen:
brewing takes time
but i am pressing it french
find out i am too deep in it
no score being kept
depending on the seat belt

18 august

no time like the present
and also
no time for the present
moving past and shuffling by
the sky and also the cloud-based solutions
looking forward to looking forward
never to being still
present
on a mission to miss nothing
while missing everything
tourists trample
on the way to the gift shop
face first into unrehearsed territory
we are the spears
we are the targets
we are the ones
who will get there first

17 august

all that and a sandwich to go -- grilled veg string mush with roasted pepper highlights too lowlit for this nevermind -- finding no time like the present for hesitant combos and m&m allowances -- strangers in the dark and the grandparents i might have had -- the benches are the hills above town -- landscape architect -- design engineer -- the wiring inside of airplanes -- a second sandwich fares no better -- ruffles of lettuce and an angle on eggs -- no legs with those wings, but an easy two-turn highway and a hotel spread with beige -- king bed and pillows and the time zone slips away --

16 august

please and thank you and sit back
(roll my eyes for making work use of this exercise)
i would like to know what people really thought
should we worry
twist in my left calf i cannot explain
pull in the back of my right arm
pain talk, nightly ritual of childhood pre-sleep
is it important to you?
avoid people going over time?
everything to be all-inclusive
need to need to need to
decline one offer, wait for another
the cooldark rest of television
monkey waiting in the wings
reading the comics and clearing the table
veggie bacon and no mistakes
need need need
the list stands alone

15 august

as if not emptying my brain would somehow translate into overfull dreams and not underfilled sleepwishes - i am telling you now i don't know where to go i am asking for a neighbor at the least and i year you say yes, yes it is a very large map and that is all but shh we are all asleep untroubled by the need to answer or to question further shhhh

14 august

no lamp in my writing room
somewhat telling
strategies to fall back asleep/plans pile for making the most
found time
press of excess
metaphors for keynote remarks
we can all look up more
disparate shapes and sizes
do we learn to juggle?
look over your shoulder or keep looking forward
liquidity, balance
it's not a competition
it's a practice
take care/take care/take care

13 august

get done the bare bones work
i am taking care
somewhat indignant
if there was no, would you?
club the country:
a humpty and a dumpty and a question i can't answer
no ink in my printer
sleeping in the knife box
some other sort of twist
moving on
all along the wonderwhy
throwing away plants
the chase to the weary
not following the rules we set ourselves
the please and thank you that tank you
leaving and grieving for all who have gone
to weather the whether or not
do we pushed past what's allowed
given an allowance?

12 august

expanse to be covered
expensive only in time
stability of standing firm
true enough to scuff a shoe
wait until the curtain calls
fill out the script / twitch of a prescription half unlearned
earned our bread but not the butter
hide ourselves within shelves of ingredients
waiting for something to be made of us
(i cannot not sleep/all the weary worries wearing)
a slapdish dance and a covered wish
all in the house that jack built
surprise and thighs and disappointment
(mirror is the only real audience)
legs are tired
have done no work to earn
all those side angles nobody's handling anyway

11 august

the underaffectionate phrase
subtracts so much --
not worth holding my breath
why it bothers / why i want more
bed where i could never replace a cat
space could never be my own
no solution to dissolve into
(all hooks and no sinkers)
catching trees and fantasies
(D it my S)
wandering to wonder after the space
tonguing the space where an incisor used to
anyway anyway anyway
more interesting than the sum of all i lack
how can we know how the wear will be spent
amalgamation of hopes at passing
(so easily i tune back to the same station!)

10 august

a disturbing dream
overthoughts of overwork
what such radio silence undoubtedly portends
wakeup alarm reshuffled
and where is this monkey now?
notes on the back of a drivinghome index card
i fail to list two hands full
clock keeps ticking
turn away to something else
cooler air and grayer sky
rich wide moments left
let loose creativity
the work of works, of nests, of young
flitting thoughts -- birds again --
glistening world of academia
the splendor of writing, of igniting --
STRETCH
consider the shift
a thought experiment
to carry with
the next exercise to come

9 august

struggle to order the morning
a step away
space to wring it out
no doubts, no designs
of anything greater
some gem to stumble out of my pen
too solid to laylielow unshared
self knowledge self helpful
pull up set out move past
academia or deliria
write to know
teach to share
in line with the original: to dream
a love of language
dark side not so dark as dazzling
still and still and still
the space to step out of my head
as the circle closes
who can tell who will be left
open window of crickets, birds, waiting cars
indulgence mixes with nostalgia
push away from alone
keep the space for peace
mind tumbles overfast into details
ground the real --
construction paper sacred scibbles
simplicity
the push to push myself
all too natural
whether or not traction
tires sputtering back mud in my own face
even as the fields turns
fresh with green

8 august

trying something new -- three pages of morning writing, captured here later in ordered, selected excerpts -- found writing from neverlost text:

words no larger than my thoughts
hopes may be large, practice small
hand tenses slightly
feeling the strain
already
so many tightly penned lines
the right verb is to pracice
writing yoga doctors lawyers
all in the same vocabularic boat
guidelines and styles, flavors of response
preferences and penmanship, other telling twists
reality keeps changing, rerranging
assessing preparation, finding it lacking
need to invent
paint the picture of innocence
of evidence that contradicts
create new out of beforewords
punctuation and hesitation
knowing it as a flow means easing into action
tumbling out of a pose
rebalancing
hold my own hand
rather than holding my breath
disclose the fears
worries of not being _ enough
presses down squeezes out
possibilities of growth
of comfort, of acceptance
of gratitude for all there is on offer
clear answers
none are easy and i am not ready
routines of comfort and of growth
(comfort and joy)
build from words to strength
to fit to standing still
the ease with which others move through the world
appears real
no need to wave a flag
draw it down
then replace with more
of what matters

7 august

darker days and tones
am i complaining or bittering, not bettering?
happiness is seep, food, a few select smiles
too sensitive to too much
making a list of happy
jealousy is fear is sadness is missing out
i don't want more but i need better

6 august

and while the way is sometimes clear,
the steps in the right direction are often shaky
as if an undoreseen gap gapes
suggests a redirect, restart:
     tomorrow is a better day to start!
     quiet is a better hand to hold --

5 august

soon enough i could point to where all of the energy was leaving me: here and there and also there
i found i was leaving out letters and sometimes even words and that is when i knew
to drive as if someone else in the car
to protect yourself like your own younger sibling
clear as it all is from the page
on the sidewalk it is not cement
in unairconditioned dark
taste of crickets and toocold alarms
waiting for the dreams to come
accidental scene of a continental breakfasst
muffins huddle moist-topped and mini

4 august

strawberry lemonade where both are fresh
squeezed and the color is too unreal
to be real / knocking on the hood:
do you have a lighter if i find
one later do you smoke no the other
kind / i wish i had you as an english
teacher you are hilarious / and also
with you

3 august

which turns out to mean holding my breath
motel under a highway
stale air, mosquitoes
escape is no escape

2 august

slippery down the list / i feel / if nothing else is on / if the phone isn't ringing / if there is no other choice / stuck if you feel that way / tired of tiptoe is mutual / warmth will melt as easily as ice / why the checkup wonder / sadness anyway eitherway / something else that's going on / easier to do without / feel the door shutting / wonder what i want - what i wish

1 august

colors by numbers and whistles by stops - these are the mice that the hickory docks - paystubs and wonder and wraparound skirts, pinecones that fall into milkshakes and worse - break apart from rhythm and tell something real, not to feel but to identify - not to try but to do rather than misfiring into an unexpected direction - the protection of excuses useful until the day is over  and the laundry's still not put away, the trash is still not taken out: wait until hawaii