31 october

nano eve and all is so-so
humdrum and other sounds of
somewhat disappointed nonchalance
saving up words for the month
to come and saving up caring
for characters not yet met

30 october

right eye sore as if the
muscles have been strained
too much in one direction
too much course correction
keeping myself in line
when there is no reason to
frozen yogurt and frozen pizza
dreams of nothing better

29 october

and even though i know
both some?how? and
with a abundance of clues
/this/ will not work out
cannot help but ^hope
doesn't cost anything but
&disappointment
eventual maybe not inevitable
a book to read invited
leaves fall and night$ spent

28 october

and even if there is not an ask
not a question so phrased
it's better to answer, to give
especially as waiting is not
itself
a prompt
exasperation may not be obvious
frustration apparent
eye-rolling understated
sometimes it's better to say
HERE
even if you didn't place the order:
delvery

27 october

breathe out and lower
your expectations whether or not
you expressed them
clearly everyone should understand
how you expected things to go
correctly or smoothly yes
i am currently working on it
meaning enjambment only
not a step toward realization
others also have expectations
regarding which i am still
in the dark and also quiet
as i pull down the blinds
cannot see or hear here

26 october

and what they agree on most
is rice
and also that meatless
living may not be living
corn and watermelon
sometimes cheese, always music
pork is pig is pink
(and other curly-tongued-twists)
next time we will
talk about Halloween
Hollow what? Hall?
at home the dishwasher
keeps me company to sleep
merrily roll along
cleaner darker wet

25 october

and now i will reach
out to the universe and ask
questions of the hopeful sort
of variety -- the kind of requests
you expect and also fear
will be either embraced or discarded
because those are the only options
a melodramatic retelling will allow
not to mention predictive verses
for better or forever hold
pieces of dreams without building
anything or putting them together
into a better idea than now
when i have a headache again
but no reason not to
try to sleep anyway

24 october

and in the end
i guess it wasn't the end
all and be all anyway
that's a lot to ask of one
event or even person really
if you think about it too much
pressure to withstand
that sort of set-up
down the block and around
corners the market
values what's else

[packed seven pencils
only used one
broke one point before the start
merrily we roll]

23 october

too quickly it is too clear:
not fit for polite company
cannot hold tongue
cannot lower pressure
rising, crisising
/kingfishers catch fire
dragonflies draw flame/
burn and struggle fill the sails
boat sinks ere it flies

22 october

opposite twin from another life
plane beside seated
-- although originally i mis-sat --
and we encourage each other
shake heads at not-so-subtle racism
offer wonder at the wideness of the world
celebrate coming successes
show pictures of our nieces
dream big for ourselves, bigger for them
to amy, who made much of time

21 october

at a certain point
i'm not sure what i'm hurrying toward
although away seems clear
goodbyes and again rotation
tracking up desinations
no tickets, no rides -- no sailing to byzantium
i am captured --
    drawn by the imagination
  sleepfirst and off to dreams
mysterious in form,
  colorful in sense
rhythms echo trains on future tracks

20 october

part of playing a game
is wondering if you are alone
or if someone else --
    quite possibly a known one --
is making moves, too
strategizing
considering timing
weighing choice words
like abstract vegetarian steaks
raising stakes like cattle
cuddling close potential
turning aside coolly
    wholly disinterested
    -- as if --
debating appearance options
debating appearing
there is no score to keep
anyway, who would keep it
there is only giving away
to be sure of, anyway

19 october

of all the verses
the worst is the one i can't remember
can't defend for lack of trying
piling on evidence without rhyme
too many syllables, not enough sense
can't catch a nickel without fifty cents
unmentionable hopefulness
pretty short of longing
leaning into the next space,
noticing the blanks

18 october

in the meantime
-- I mean, time, of which there is
alternately so much, so little --
I find the waiting sometimes
-- oddly enough --
more fulfilling
as if I am programmed
-- self or experience? --
to expect disappointment,
such that no arrival
is the arrival I expected
all along -- all alone

17 october

not sure what i might have
expected but it never feels good
to be disappointed anyway
anyway again it can't hurt
to try and if it does i'll
just try not to take myself
so seriously as if that were
an on/off switch thing anyway
i'll try anyway i will

16 october

so much time waiting
wrote NOW on my ceiling
as a reminder
wake up to
but that was then
or some other time
i take it down
make other plans
dreams of futures past
alphabet exaggeration
hyperbole and similes
ticktock while i work

15 october

the steam between screens the scenes
all that's left is tar and feathers

14 october

to suggest positive interpretations
do you appreciate that?
it doesn't seem critical to me
i would not have thought that at all
do you think that's what i'm thinking?
so strange for him to do that
why would she do that?
reflections on trying angles
fit still to be tied
sit bills to be paid
making excuses, feeling useless
didn't register in time for test
can't fail, didn't play
how do you feel about what you've said
i would never suggest you didn't matter

13 october

too much traffic to work
chit the chat then kick the can
all the way down to mulberry street
where are the churches
where are the steeples
where are the fingers we pretend are people
all the marvelous underwires
all the laptop heart attacks
let me nudge the alarm to snooze
let me put goodwill on sale
small tiny van in the middle of redundancy
commute 40 minutes in a plane
these are not our nonprofit days
these are the nights we don't sleep
merging onto the runway
jetblue jetbridge and all the yellow lines
if i should work before i wake
(setting boundaries, please --
    knife on the right
    west of the spoon)
the title of a book i would love to right upward
WEST OF THE SPOON
a course in three seatings

12 october

too close the mirror
and all the cracks show
stop looking
and it's too clear too late
should have paid attention
not too costly
not too cheap
table the contents
in the dex
clear the stage
pay the dues
less the more and sing the blues

11 october

inactions loud as words
the space created by not waiting

i am making a package
for which there is no
appropriately sized box

packer is struggling still
after the shop has closed
-- here's what we'll do --

finally flubbing the address
transposing sentences
sense of disbelief
flush away at ground rates
no rush, just away

cannot fear the arrival
cannot overthink more
the card enclosed
goodbye and thank you anyway

the package on the porch
overstuffed with regrets, disappointment
hollow enough to return

10 october

which leads me to believe sometimes I am more easily led than I have led myself to understand

hand in foot in mouth in glove: nothing much to do with love but loneliness abroad, prowling

scowling as the winter and broken as a bat: catalogs of misfortune and disagreements with reality

hiccups in the late dark and no words for the warming

storm and we will see what falls, what follows

8 october

and really I’m not too sure what to say about that – not no, probably more like yes – questions to be answered but really no interest in asking – rehabilitation as vocation, a fair trade replayed – greater than one – waiting to lock the door

7 october

the sensation when the streetlight

goes off as you step

up to the curb and kicked

go ahead and pull up the dark

I am not watching out for more

come what may, sleep or sorrow

deeper than a river – ocean –

waves to push and sweep along

sinking feeling floats along