It is on the way home from what feels like it might be the week's 27th grocery run -- not bad for a lazy holiday -- and what is definitely the week's last grocery run -- having already managed thirty minnutes out of the house once the sun went down, errands and quick retreat on this hot times! last Saturday night of the year -- that I was struck. It was at the red light and reached for the unopened half gallon of one percent chocolate milk, which was just before a total stranger pulled up in the next lane and I knew --even in the dark -- he would glance over at me in shocked judgement (can't she at least wait to get home first?) and I would spill all over myself as honking behind jerked me into the shortlived reality of the left-turn lane.
Friday, December 28, 2018
Thursday, December 27, 2018
I spent a dollar fifty on optimism today and that's exactly all I got. Six quarters worth in plastic digital chip form, underwarmed by the second dryer -- trying but not very hard, umpteenth time and more. And yet, somehow, felt better for the purchase, although despair is cheaper and pessimism free.
Wednesday, December 26, 2018
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Monday, December 24, 2018
a year in this notebook and won't look back too closely over the dips and trips -- slipping up and sliding down like an underground animal cracker housed like a foundation of devastation and also hollowness the way best described as down and also the certainty that someone else deserves better -- the missing weather when the climate fell off and the cough that never quite went away -- play and rewind a dozen times to the same scene and we've seen it all before like a door shutting on your finger but still you linger as it happens -- never fast enough or trying much to pull it back -- harm's way and home again, stranded by hope and cast off like disappointment coming around the bend
Sunday, December 23, 2018
a small step slipping shipshape into slipshod slapdash excuses -- the caboose is rolling in but the passengers have no time to get onboard to step aside to simply ride on to the next destination -- the stretched imagination of those blurred by rain and wonder -- torn and turn and misunderstood by design -- a fine unpaid and a string that's afraid not all can be solved -- hard going with no knowing what's next --