justwrite 31 may

didn’t know this day existed until I woke up glad to find such a thing while the calendar surprised me the day disguised itself as normal as pleasant warm around the edges hot on the marshrutka pressed up against even calf-back to calf-back and that’s an unusual one I feel the weight carrying itself but there is music playing which is motion which is devoting itself to other work to attention it cannot stand to turn off I am scoffing at my inability to write while listening to music but the scoffing is in a mirror and it becomes less clear what the goal is even as I struggle bungling notes and letters sweating the big stuff the little stuff toughing through the rest whatever that may be and I’m pleased to see clean hair in the morning mirror whenever that comes and the bagels that may be we’re trying to please ourselves and it’s not impossible there are waffles but no waffling we are confident we are offered a preponderance of options the tight stillgrowing skin on my left heel felt with every stretch catching downward dogs by a bony paw and slicing fire for hire and also this music is going faster I cannot catch up with any thoughts I have to turn it down okay off that’s a better choice and he may be king of the bongo but I cannot take that all into account when I’m emptying my mind thanks just trying to drop off what I’ve been carrying what’s wearing me down a little around the edges catching self-doubt and tossing it out the workout schedule just not working out and the trout flying upstream catching a second wind or some sort of metaphor mixed in before all the ingredients were ready we’re happily steady in a forward lurching sort of way there are plays to be determined and Xs to toss to Os but we suppose ourselves too present in the now to be caught up somehow in such abstract contractions lifting bits out of the middle and leaving little lines we’re twining good times up but not sealing the pickles are wheeling their own deals and we are in the now now now and how how how