justwrite 26 may

having recovered we discovered the apple had to grow from something which had to be planted which had to be cultivated or at least coddled in a pocket for a while smiling quietly in an unsprung sort of way waiting for the day for the earth and sun and water there is so little to ask for and so much to receive when we ask we task ourselves with waiting for answers last night I read a book on Buddhism when I woke up from a bad dream and now I feel more balanced but also tired there are many things to simply accept but this does not suggest passivity is the best action it is not an action there is no attraction in such spaceless placeness and other madeup concepts I didn’t take the trash out and so it’s still there I spilled the sugar and I find it under my feet crunching against ceramic tile there is a smile in realizing where things come from and there is safety in knowing where they are there is no way to know where they will go and so this is the present this is what we’re left with this gift we give ourselves but don’t always accept this chance to neglect which is rarely a good idea this semblance of ambling down a quiet road and waiting for the light to explode never just the right light never just the right angle but somehow it is and when it comes I can finish writing in this vaguely philosophical sense it’s hard to keep up when outside my window three floors down and across to the courtyard hard drunkish laughing crackles through the night harshly sawing in an unseen way hitting high notes the dark windows could do without and so we go on and close our eyes recognizing pleasure in its many forms denying as it does others’ norms