justwrite 29 may

straying off the beaten path leaps back to the forefront the mind game the searching for names in the rain there are stages we cannot sing from we are ringing bells to last past the next opening the bulls and the bare arms in the volleyball sun I am running forward and facing the grass the feet beneath the dirt stirred up and clouding the water which lands as rain the certainty can’t touch me now there are too many questions the answers are lessons I need to learn myself the health I’ll seek out in watchtowers in phrases from longago poems knowing them is more than half the craft and when I laugh the pearls appear scattering like a widespread swatch of strawberry jelly in the idea of love there are troubles and solutions and in the space between we’ve seen our own reflections turn in other directions there are no wrong decisions there are right collisions and the derision with which we face unfortunate solutions pretends revolution and fails to size up what’s already gone on we are strong and we are hesitant we know I show you throw down cards you’ve been holding for months and a hunch is more unfortunate than truth or at least in a useful sense we can offer recompense of the vaguest kind I’ve defined my goals on a different sort of level I thought I was clever I thought that I’d never have occasion to say but in the meantime between now and never there are levers to be pulled and buttons to be pushed we are hurrying slowly in that direction and I am playing basketball in the dark from my window with my ears they have no fears for falling or losing the score what’s more I am afraid and drowning in second-thoughts but what’s bought has not been paid for what’s more what’s less important is the sorting out of doubts there ought to be a solution that makes use of reason the logic inherent in some other forms of intellect but I haven’t enough thoughts to collect that add up to anything more than storage-ready reminiscences a memory you said and I guess you must have meant it