post 7 october

justwrite 7 october

concentrating on latening the day straightening the pace into a different place has a waiting game playing out the doubts and the trout turning from rainbow to an upstream team gaining steam with passing moments the flow of guts and energy away from me and into the slipdown tumblewide prairie a scary place to face alone the rolling stone I am not gathering I cannot fathom two deep or a mark full of twain there’s a rain on that plain and it has my name on it a whodunit without clues enough to choose between we screen our calls and mark our falls on stage left and we’re up night and day playing some other game pretending that a different fame will come and replace this space this empty looking for songs to mean the right words having heard echoes of a thousand supposings posing in the shadows in the rightbehind bus seats we sweeten our coffee and scoff at failure the canal we’re swimming up through is meeting an intersection and it’s not a connection we can afford to miss we twist and turn our earnings checking the interest and calculating our clenched fists can we turn on the heat tonight and here this means just a plug the love is not enough the love is not the jungle is not around the in the prepositions are reversed and it’s the worst to feel alone and to push the phone away the stray cats are waiting to be picked up the puppies in the street meeting eyes and soulful disguises pretend deep emotion seeking devotion the kind that won’t call and say sorry won’t fall behind and press a few dollars into your hand saying call when you’ve landed and let me know how it’s going that kind of devotion an ocean away I thought might stay closer but supposing and posing and a new roster a tempest-tossed stir and ingredients too expedient to ignore there’s another shore but it’s uncertain and hurting for sure where the wild fern knows and the blue dolphins swim all those allusions trimming up the space replacing the blank and trying to fill the tank

justwrite 6 october

I’ve been watching all the wrong movies recently the ones with these themes and straightback lines connecting to the nexus of us and our mythology it’s a mess the lines and the times in the day when I’d pay anything to avoid tripping over them and drowning into through under collections of connections I am not trying to forget but I have to get up in the morning not stuck not just avoiding the mirror and the walk home alone in the dark parking under the covers and waiting for sleep I am creeping myself with the thoughts that occur to me still they’re deferred by my sense of reason but if that turns treasonous then I’m afraid for what will have stayed behind I find myself thinking blinking back light angles sliding down my face there is too much to erase to keep to heal and I feel inadequate there is no plan there is no reason and the night is the worst but also the morning and this is a picture of honesty of despondency I am advertising the truth in the most uncouth manner if you think I’m a planner then you’ll again be disappointed and so will I but the reasons to try are too scattered to matter upon examination I cannot face the nation what I want and what I need exceeding the bounds on both sides I am hiding and wish you were seeking but I can’t afford peeking when I know what I’m losing and it’s not my own choosing too many clues and we lose the key to this mystery of we and how we can be without

justwrite 5 october

apart the weather runs itself turns off the shelf and over through into the contents another proposition toward errant prepositions these are my thoughts after and during I am putting everything out where you can see it I am hanging myself out to dry because somebody ought to and otherwise I would still be waiting the rating of this decision is currently low but I know it will be walked down if not off I know it will be talked through and truer facts will surface and I will be ready to admit them into the realm of possibility much less my field of vision feel such revision of the current situation is needed plus some back-dating and if you are waiting for the slide into apology I can only offer a view from the inside I can’t hide any sort of truth from you and so you know it hurts so you hear those curt statements and know I’ve spent the will the energy of all that sadness in a grasp of reality grabbing at straws no more building no blowdown house just stepping outside nowhere to find an easier solution proposing disillusion and internal contusions in the form of quiet of exile a riot fighting its way back to the yard it’s not hard for you to tell I can’t spell any other ideas out of these letters and it was your draw that chose them so now it’s time to dispose of them

justwrite 4 october

calling back the track is off the hook is cough whooping a crane the main line the twine rhymed with many other strings bringing to fruition a name-changing solution you are not reaching for me and I am not there we are all aware of the passage of time through varying corridors but the worry’s more the windows the glows given off and the wishes taken in do you remember how to swim and do I know how to sink let’s think of something else manage health and housing projects like ironing and laundry the irony of growing cold in the summer the delivery of a summary that only sits well in court that purports to be proportional to the crime of innocence in a sense no one did wrong and in another sentence we are waiting for punctuation to end there is no verb and a few too many nouns bogging down the dry docks up on blocks and not streetready fed but and fed upon but more woebegone than such tidings could be hiding I am transparent and we share this but I guess that has to go too and there’s the other shoe guess it’s my turn to drop it a hurdle I can’t hop curdling my stomach to a square knot fair or not