Sunday, October 17, 2010

justwrite 16 october

no matter the give there needs to be some take maybe a manifesto of sorts purporting to report an occasional realization you’re not more loved if you just keep giving or are you maybe you’re giving yourself an illusion truth in a different form a coming storm but only full on the outbox no letters sent no package meant for that particular funicular of a holiday stay quiet and don’t mope but take notes so when the account goes bankrupt you can see how investments really work and if you believe this it could really hurt to acknowledge but there has to be something that didn’t quite function right and on this rainy night only in the mirror is there a clearer view of who could have had something to do with it a brew fit to be filtered but still bewildered with all this grit in my teeth too much to release to part with and no real desire to start with the process and the floss it gets caught bought up by the gallon and the cottonballs for soaking up a lake and leaving some other church did we go swimming in the ocean and where were all those plans go a slow boat a wordless note the only kind getting sent and now it’s barely ten days spent at this stage and this page is hard to see the bottom of the golden glove that comes to turn it a velvet curtain discerning a next act but to protect that which remains is to blame nothing no one to push aside the edges hard and sharp and bumped into the dark snagged on the edge of the wrong song I can’t hear now and I fear both the ending and the pretending that it’s just businesslike and I ride my bike and blow bubbles when the troubles are over when the clovers all come up and when I pick a different number color some other point to make to myself I recall that no one needs to know there’s no cause to show such a raw side but I guess it’s fair to say it’s easy to lose this day and much more than hoped for I should spend my day counting parking tickets or measuring flour in generous mounds but when the sound comes down and my pen finds the lines in my mind and draws them out leeching not blood but guts maybe it’s healthy but leaking eyes turn to headaches and agonizing over mistakes just a step back just a different track for now and I will put the pen down

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