justwrite 21 august

There’s nowhere to go but upward it’s absurd to imagine the scramble and the eggs the tangle as the legs go rushing forward into the backward wonder I wish I were eating pizza and taking a vacation instead I’m running laps and getting less employed as time goes by the way to wonder why is to guess how but the mess now seems to be open applications and all the booths full there’s a worrying winding twist in my shoulder working its way up and my neck tightens as the brightening lamp means a darkening day no way to keep the imaginings off the what-ifs and the probably nots as the days pass the on and going we’re blowing some of this out of proportion but the distortion in the signal is everybody’s fault I’m willing to go anywhere I’m planning to do anything but I’d like to be paid and I’d like to just be happy I’d like to teach to write to learn and every day to wake up these things I ask and the task list to be shorter and the south to be norther there’s very little to it but it’s hard enough to do it without all of this not-knowing going on there’s a general sense that it ought to be more specific but the vagueness overwhelms us where us means me and there’s a lot less we these days the multiple plays in the book with the x’s and the o’s and do you suppose anyone wins in this it’s just a jump and a hop but there’s no room to stop in the middle there’s a gap and a trap and the door opens the wrong way so it’s a long stay down through to the other side it’s an easy ride until the bottom comes up and the foolish fellows and the lazy ladies are laughing at the outcome of industry and such is this investment that dreams will come tripping over their own tails at the failings of the dreamer steaming through the pillow uncrisping as they go