justwrite 23 august

A polite night the right bite and too cheese with seared bits eclipsed by toes stepped on the wrong strong carry-on and it ought to be measured the treasured glance of a justright chance missed and I am taking a left turn here and leaving the hubcap it’s a quick trap but I’m losing out the doubts are high and the cake is flat there’s more than that there’s a book unread and your thoughts unsaid will eat you out of house and head we’re tired but we means me this time around and the running of the bulls is just that there’s a fine flat route ahead so run faster catch on and carry through the bend of the knee the head to the left to the left and the lyrics that creep up my legs asleep long before their time and the yours and the mine make me wonder who you are creeping up into the second person here but this is first person this is my life and other lyrics now or never and the coffee iced was nice enough though the bluff is called when the lizards wriggle up the wall the call unplaced leaves space to be determined we’re worming our way through the thought process did I recognize anyone and would I even know how long has it been and if I sink or swim will the show go on will the community be developed will the band play on yes the English will be taught and the classes will be running and the creative will be writing and the lights will all come on yes there will be joy in mudville and the races will be won all the pies will win blue ribbons and the medals will be gold there is no breath being held but my face is getting bluer as the searching and the waiting are all hoping for invitating won’t you please would you yes and we’ll pay you plenty to do what you love and what is that by the way oh never mind we’ll work it all out just please say you will please come yes and yes and yes

justwrite 21 august

There’s nowhere to go but upward it’s absurd to imagine the scramble and the eggs the tangle as the legs go rushing forward into the backward wonder I wish I were eating pizza and taking a vacation instead I’m running laps and getting less employed as time goes by the way to wonder why is to guess how but the mess now seems to be open applications and all the booths full there’s a worrying winding twist in my shoulder working its way up and my neck tightens as the brightening lamp means a darkening day no way to keep the imaginings off the what-ifs and the probably nots as the days pass the on and going we’re blowing some of this out of proportion but the distortion in the signal is everybody’s fault I’m willing to go anywhere I’m planning to do anything but I’d like to be paid and I’d like to just be happy I’d like to teach to write to learn and every day to wake up these things I ask and the task list to be shorter and the south to be norther there’s very little to it but it’s hard enough to do it without all of this not-knowing going on there’s a general sense that it ought to be more specific but the vagueness overwhelms us where us means me and there’s a lot less we these days the multiple plays in the book with the x’s and the o’s and do you suppose anyone wins in this it’s just a jump and a hop but there’s no room to stop in the middle there’s a gap and a trap and the door opens the wrong way so it’s a long stay down through to the other side it’s an easy ride until the bottom comes up and the foolish fellows and the lazy ladies are laughing at the outcome of industry and such is this investment that dreams will come tripping over their own tails at the failings of the dreamer steaming through the pillow uncrisping as they go

justwrite 18 august

This is the time I should be spending in other ways the stray minutes rushing off and I cannot keep up the right habits there’s no excuse I’m not busy I should be telling you what I think what I have to say letting thoughts flow instead of choking up on otherwise and rhyming nonsense I am tried of being unproductive and yet my production value is little I have washed the dishes today and really I’m nothing but in the way I feel at this point there were two dots and a line between but now three and I’m trying angles but the addition doesn’t go and the numbers fall out I am doubting my sense of self even while proclaiming initiatives we the people who are me are planning to working on and furthermore henceforth and forever more for the rest of the day I am eating better I am working out more maybe I lost weight and maybe I am busting it out just like one two in and out the trainer calls and the flatscreen action is the kind that pulls me in I am working in a small space and chasing sense out of sentences I am tired of feeling I ought to be better than I am and if I cry while washing the dishes there is no need to comment on it if I go to sleep early because there is no why not then there is no anyway if I can do it I will and if I can get out of the way I will I am a professional at helping but cannot stand the mirror it is clearer than ever but the casual words sting and the thought is not included the breezy flippancy of occupation the characterization of other sorts of success and when I will ever wear those new clothes with new hose and a fire truck too I am against lowered standards and also rejection my sense of self-protection drifts and I am floating again remembering what it’s like to be alone and yes I am loved I am cocooned but when I think of what I would rather be doing and where I would rather be and who I would rather be with I go blank the screen blinks and I close my eyes there are games to play breath to hold laps to run and I will be there in the morning

justwrite 16 august

From this perspective the mail goes out faster and the weather comes in cooler the fuel and the fire balance each others’ chances in the price dance and the carrots look like peaches this last one’s a reach but the main characters are a European detective and a virtual trainer in these scenes we mean well but fell swoops one after the other occur and it’s worse than wearing to compare in any reasonable sense the unmentionable pretention that occurs here we fear ourselves better than others and for this reason we delight in fantasy of the absurd sort as opposed to the more realistic kind we find in everyday situations the magical realism possible in one hundred years or more or possibly with the wearing of enormous wings these are the things that come packed up and it’s not a competition but I’d rather try to win and it’s not a matter of principle but I certainly have a few that true to form will warm up to practice but as I jack this car up to look at the underbits I wonder what quits first and how to get to point b wherever that may turn out to exist and the risks are pillowed and the winds are willowed but in this genre I need more non-fiction to keep my diction American and to keep pretending I could be ripped in 30 or in any other amount of days the motivator says skinny jeans and tank tops and I think of numbers I think of go go and wonder when to stop ahh but you’re a natural teacher don’t you feel strange not teaching it’s the beginning of the school year you’re a natural those kids loved you and yes yes I don’t need to be told this is the cold whisper at my neck and the circle of doubt smoke-trailing over and around the cough in my sleep the ache in my back and the track might be easier to bet through if there was a race to study a part to land a ship sailing with a ticket in my hand

justwrite 14 august

If you can hear the weather then you know it’s a good time to call all the birds all the chickens home to roost to boost the economy something on and on about the electricity we’re pleased to feed ourselves thanks very much there’s plenty left to touch without giving any away we’re playing the game and framing up the four seasons I’m pleased to be able to offer a different perspective but without such directed objectives there’s everywhere to go and nowhen to why if you catch my drift quite continental as it may be but I was thinking about my hair and how to soften the blow of wash and dry with a brush with style we’ll say a brush by since there’s no brush you can buy that will do it all for you that will add up the score for you and when I say score there are numbers you wouldn’t believe to have and to deceive there are no perfect anythings the sinking swims with the floaters and the sand that eats up all cleanliness there are so many things to like there are so many rides to bike and the jogs through logged hours without powering any sort of worry without hurry of a similar sort we’re purporting to say something but on hold until the time comes when something else will matter when the cake will want for batter and the eggs cannot be broken it’s a token phrase but the praise of the past doesn’t do much for the future and when I say a token phrase I mean to play that freshly the westward one the easygo done it with all the toppings and a pickle when I hear the rain I toss a nickel right in my pocket I’m thinking of Christmas ideas and wondering why my deadline is still not prepared-for the werewithal and the werewolves the merrygorounds and the choir girls everyone has their cherry bomb their false alarm and spoiled toast but what I want to know is when the list gets to-done and what we get to do next where we means I which leaves it quite wide open

justwrite 12 august

i am thinking about typing directly into this space the replacements haven't come through and we are making our own blanks out in the backyard it's hard enough to make sense and it's even rougher to burn rubber toward progress the confessions blur through tired eyes and fine i say go off and do what you need to do but please don't call tomorrow there are sorrows and there are watermelons and i can tell you what i'll choose i'm used to wandering and this is the way i smile politely this is the way i daily and nightly remind myself that alone is fine there's plenty of time and no one's counting it's possible i'm doubting but now no one's keeping score i'm worn out and the weather doesn't help i've kept my end of the bargaining chip here in my pocket but the locked socket never shocks it does its best to keep calm to carry on the dawn is treading lightly but it will come at last and the fish will waiver outward while the flying bait is cast there are mills and floss the looking and the lost but the boss cuts a profit out of misabandoned gear and while this is not a real word there is still no need for fear i have a habit of pouring it all out of offering of serving and it's possible i don't deserve it but another way is unheard of and the way i feel is absurd enough

justwrite 7 august

Meanwhile the scores are being counted meanwhile I meant well but when my mouth opened a frown fell out meanwhile I am treading water and also sunlight the mosquitoes and stubbed toes meanwhile I am surprising no one with my inability to rest quietly meanwhile I am having a rest meanwhile I am enjoying the nature meanwhile the nature of man is not the nature of woman meanwhile women are naturally strong without asterisks the commercial tells me just a period meanwhile they do not mean to be funny meanwhile the cool kids are clinking drinks and making names out of colors and sounds meanwhile the hour is happy and everyone plays with different pieces but the same game meanwhile I have lost the board meanwhile I have locked my fingers in my ears and I cannot hear to keep up meanwhile my tongue is made of felt and the answers cleverly construed cannot be delivered meanwhile I have sharpened my mind and it has melted on the afternoon sidewalk meanwhile I am good at washing dishes and am considering this as a career possibility meanwhile I am remembering being told about being stifled by too many options meanwhile the same stifling can happen with too few options meanwhile I am up for adopting new means of transportation meanwhile the station is moving and no one has any tickets meanwhile I have lost the handdrawn map and my world is collapsing into passenger seats meanwhile I am contracting my abs and I am feeling it yes the muscles are responding appropriately though the longterm effect is unclear meanwhile I am bleary with inaction meanwhile I am thinking about the book I will write in November and wondering why it is so far away meanwhile I have no idea where I will be in November and if I myself will be so far away meanwhile I have an idea for this book meanwhile I am wondering if it’s my sixth and will any of them ever actually be published meanwhile I am moving on and my fingers are too slow for my head even when it aches as if I have to spell out every shape with slow determination and think it into consistency meanwhile the book will be about that dearest of countries to me other than my own meanwhile people will be wondering why I think I have something to say and why they need to listen meanwhile the book will be for people who don’t need to learn it will be funny but not comedic and clever but not overstated meanwhile it’s a good idea