justwrite 25 september

wait a minute and if the train doesn’t come we can run the whole way there my hair is still wet but get moving and the wind will do the rest there’s no test to pass but I don’t want to fail I can flail easily in the open I am riding a horse with no saddle and I paddle in and out of the canoe the trueblue currents rushing along the side no place to hide in open water and I drop down in to sink to swim and other thoughts like rocks like clouds pressing loud and soft into the pillows the sheets bouncing backward up so many parachutes and so many four-square balls the gym teacher hauls them out of a musty closet and tosses them into the center we are pumping our arms and we are storming in and out of tantrums brought on by this pressure to measure up but still no rush no fuss toward fitness and mile lap times we are still in our prime but we never recognize it we prize the next step the past page and the current age is left wanting and wondering if the blundering will lead to anything if the past has been worth living and we know it has we grab each other’s hands to say thank you pull each other close even as tears fall we call forward for reassurance and backward for the colors we painted we have no numbers of our own but this is too close I cannot keep on I have got another song to sing looking out the window the wideawake eyes disguised by twilight the building across the courtyard is looking hard at me just to check in the kitchens are finished serving and the dishes are just about washed they have tossed their laundry into the middle of the living room where the laundry means the day and they play their own games jeans into the air and sweaters thrown upward just to recreate the actions the attractions that brought them all together and every once in the middle of a story a while passes and the silence is easy but they look across at me just to be sure and yes I am here yes I am taking notes and they tell me their hopes in secret asides the stage whispers the internal monologues packaged with my name in their eyes and I am surprised and I am thankful and I unwrap them and for now it is enough and so it must be