justwrite 17 september

it’s an unplanned scandal that finds itself with insufficient air time it’s just fine to promise a clean face but if you’ve erased all the pictures then there’s nothing to curl up with there’s a Tupperware full of cookie crumbs and a numb wondering about something on the to-do list that just missed getting done I’ve unstrung the beads and followed up on the leads that were sent in the welcome packet but I’ve only made a racket and I haven’t played tennis in lots of months remember in the park in the dark and we could walk home there were bugs and mudpuddles and wet courts but it doesn’t matter if you avoid the car lights the high brights of summer weaving in and out of latenight movies we truly ran right through those we didn’t stop and also we did having hidden the clock and eaten the time for lunch we bunched our flowers together and handed them to each other we are given so little and we make so much there is touch and there is hope we make ropes to swing across and sometimes these ropes are words sometimes absurdly cold waters to swim in forbiddenly I have songs to sing of these and other things but for now they’re sort of choppy I am adopting a wait and see attitude a crude way of saying I can’t get it together I can’t make the weather do what it won’t and I can’t sail a ship that doesn’t float we have dug holes in the bottom ready to plant seeds but forgetting we need to reach land first and now it’s hand over fist bailing out and swimming and winning some kind of race to chase emptiness with something full feeling if not fulfilling I am willing success I am writing tests I know I can pass I am trashing the leftovers and then remembering to compost we have hosted these ideas we have tossed them saladlike into the freeway and we will pick them up at our own risk I am dashing like salt but faster and less just the best way to go is to know what you’ll sow will be reaped and to keep hoping for the best keep arresting the wrong thoughts and imagining you’ve bought the perfect ingredients and what you’re cooking will turn out to be delicious no matter who else is in the kitchen