justwrite 26 february

reaching out each hand we pretend to fend for ourselves but on the inside our wealths are made up of spades and clubs but mostly hearts and rarely do diamonds define what’s in and what’s out and the doubts we have in our own hears are clear from our eyes when we see the surprise when we have tender guides to these ideas we are listening and nodding I am holding my own hand I command my own army and there we go you know you show your map-pointing finger and there are no rings no triggers no figures to add up without cupping up water and splashing it without cashing in all those wonders and answering with a certainty of a sort we purport to tell our own stories though we listen to those of others the lending tree the fending we do for ourselves I should be planning now and not later I should be waiting I should be creating more than spacetaking the filling the feeling wheeling in and out and I would like to say I would like today to be another such I would like to wake up early and realize things I would like to swim through a pool of sunshine and come up floating surprised and wiser I do not need to know the price I cannot offer any advice I am wondering what pushing makes sense and that kind builds a fence I am understanding I am undemanding but still I am confused too used to making up my own answers to imagine that the time passes the grass is green but so is the sky and we fly our own planets about orbiting and shouting back and forth warning about weather and other small talk there’s a chance of rocks rolling over the hills and down into the donut pass there’s a crash and a burn and a fern and a forest and the violets glorious quietly below in the mossy snow the color of spring