justwrite 27 march

on the way up there is sky but also heels and there is no way down it’s impossible to imagine a reversal of these travails on the same trail trying and true and doing the best that anyone can stand to handle can’t hold a candle to that sort of trying buying out all the stores with an attractive force of this window across the yard trying hard to distract from the vague muscles cracked out of uselessness pressing into motion devoting themselves to a higher cause pausing to consider the pleasure of straightened legs not folded pegs pulling up and pushing forward the glorious reward is itself and health has little to do with wishing twisting sense from gravity and taking more than your fair share I’d have farewelled that mission with more pieces missing if I hadn’t had the blissful sense to ignore physical warnings and impatient churnings what about and what if and can you imagine well yes and that’s the problem and there’s no time for real solving just doing and putting so much into twisting ankles and craning necks to see what’s next on the ground suddenly surrounded by sky in three sides we are trying to keep our heads above water and so we are and so we’re far above sea level and it’s possible I’ll never be up here again standing at such an angle trying not to dangle there is terror and there is panorama there’s a camera waiting to blow away waiting to have its say and point and click and cluck about that icier peak the next one up and cupping a heart in hands there’s nowhere to stand and no kind of balance for this sort of challenge I can stand in a tree but I cannot fall with grace I can race my face against my feet hoping to meet some shrub I can grab some drab but beautiful obstacle but here there are none here there is sun and sometimes shadow the wind brings these in turn and the churned-up snow grows faster with each hurtling disaster of adolescence in disguise hiding surprise and patience in the same pocket locking up and bending my head instead of leading I’m heeding quietly I have no stick I have no pinprick of an inkling of what I was thinking in coming so high but there’s no way that I can get out and no doubt the elevator isn’t coming and the hovercraft’s be slumming to pick up this kind of cargo at a standstill so with two hands full of air and uncertainty this is how I go down