justwrite 29 march

It is thickdark already when I notice but I have spent the day sowing seeds growing weeds and also flowers powered by imagination and fascination with possibility the probability of failure and the optimism that shines through my teeth caught and released a thousand times a day it is now in the close and quiet that I find these seeds have transformed the normal of simple sleep into a deepawake examination the growing up and out of those doubts and wonders fed by wakeful worry as if to hurry away I roll over and the other side of the dark is just as certainly lacking for answers the blank and the banktellers unable to release deposits I am in withdrawal for answers and the questions grow throwing back their roots and rushing upward where will tomorrow be and what will I do after this is done after the songs have sunned themselves and turned to otherwise plans how will I feed myself my needs and who will take care of the everywhile else the piles on the shelves and the lists that line the walls have you stalled out yet are you getting this down the pillow takes note of my breathing uneven and catching I’m hatching a plan for clearing these decks for sticking out necks that ought to be risked but those seeds have resisted on-moving and I’m losing ground the blossoms block out the stars and the overpass cars are pale in the nearby it’s a hard sell to spell out all of these worries but no hurry for there’s nothing else to buy there’s nothing left to try but the other side of night and by that time nothing will be solved but the light