28 february

and when it's the end it's surprising to see all the space that can appear when you turn away -- and it's not at all surprising to see a sudden rush of other fill in the gaping suck of nothing -- busting at the seams with potential then a tent full of camping that forgot how things are ordered with the fire under the pillow and the constellations underfoot -- roast the dreams and marsh the mellow -- no easier way there to sail ahead, sliding through dark like a slice

27 february

even though my plate was full there was still more to go and i ate and spoke and more being brought every minute -- to begin with there was no end and to fend for oneself with a fork and a course to pass would be a grade too low to deliver with the shivers and the applesauce, the curtains and the old ring toss when nobody wants to get tied down -- when all of the world is a sad clown laughing at the same joke you're much too clever to understand

26 february

remember what it was like to have all the answers -- to be matched in stripes and dots and confidence -- there are always more questions to ask and also reasons why we can sometimes just wander in wonder -- the sky, the water -- but now the dishwasher is making its opinions known very clearly even if there are no words to note down -- the sounds of careful consideration of finding wanting, of trying to clean up, of pausing short to let it all go

25 february

easier to swing toward all or nothing-- the balance is a challenge, even as the sun heats and the snow falls-- wind winding it's way through barometers and other kinds of gauges sages haven't even built yet -- the easy debt of words and the heavier weight of wanting -- better to walk away and see what comes to follow, to meet from some unknown direction

24 february

now is the only time to do but still there is a space that echoes and i have nothing real to fill it with but marbles for my mouth with fear of breaking teeth -- -- -- give me instead a dream of flying with nowhere better to go and i will get there as soon as i can if not before

23 february

an exercise of stillness even though the motions are going through themselves on their own accordion keys -- wheezing in and out of time, up and down the notes with remote chances of landing someplace unexpected: collecting all the wrecks and piling up what's next as the stepping stones to mobile homes and stable jobs that cobble together unfortunate weather with rainyday luck and truck all the rest of the deals out to dry

22 february

In exercise B you need to cross out the verb and replace it with a better verb from the bank. I am walking around to help in case anyone has a question about the directions or about the vocabulary (or really about anything because we are always practicing our conversation skills and they already know what I did this weekend and how old I am and how many languages I speak). The first example is done already in number one, make it crossed out and go is written in the blank to the right. I walk around and nod and smile. These might be the biggest smiles in my week. When I see M struggling with finding the right word for number four, I review his answers. He has crossed out go, which is the answer the book gives as an example for number one. He has written in run, which the book thinks is the answer for number four. M knows better. He makes the answers right. It is the confidence that inflates this smile. Go. Run.

21 february

today i told a story about walking down the street and leaning sometimes to one side and sometimes to the other -- not so much that i was being pulled or even pushed from either side but really just the hope of a direction drifting me slightly off course and of course i have no idea where i am headed but i am pretty sure it should be somewhere up ahead instead of any other angles but navigation is a messy art more than a defined science and sometimes we hope to see by the stars even as the sea grows darker and the waves crash even the most simple of metaphorical streets, leaning as we do toward hope

20 february

there's nothing to be afraid of but everything and so not much i can say to make a point finer than any of my own fears the lone years of circumstance and seventh chance tallies as we rally for another go but so you say and so i stay -- why the question asking -- trains are single-tracking here and still there's no arrival -- keep your reasons close while the door is open and see how long it stays: the menu's fresh for a limited time but the clock's been stuck for days

19 february

the idea that there is something else to be doing when really there is only this -- a dish of clouds and time stirred and boiled and bits thrown in -- we are waiting for something different to happen but there is only what we create: a scene of safe or push or fly and all the rest we bring

18 february

watching in the dark it is a dark movie and there are more questions raised than answers given and even the end is somewhat well i shouldn't say in case you're going to see it someday and really i'm not sure who i can recommend it to and there are really some scenes you might think differently about me if i recommended them is all i'm saying and anyway that's why i watched it alone and also that's why i decided to buy instead of to rent because anyway there was a sale and sometimes that does work to get the mind going even if it's SD not HD

17 february

read the scene to see and be -- the right place at the wrong glance: take a chance on a nevermind return policy, calling all the kettles out to the china shop for a bullfight that no one can win -- we swim the lanes rearranged by plot twist ties and the surprise in the sun rise never amazes to cease -- we fleece our pockets and fur our boots -- in cahoots with circumstance, i take the chance to sleep alone and roll the stone up the hill and before the door and something with a sword, too, so solid it can run through the granite the marathon the weight of worry and the wait for hope

16 february

closing one window or maybe it's a door but sure it will be warmer even if the view from here won't be as clear: keep it simple and print blank pages instead of incorrect directions -- connections to the left but none are right, just right behind the coordinates / an inordinate amount of numbers we hunger to try ourselves as we toast our healths and butter our burns: overturn the undertow and take a look inside -- we hide our truths to be self-confident and keep the tables turned -- eat your dinner and take the turn: the dark is rising fast

15 february

there's only so much i can turn on and afterward the lights go dark -- slip away into the elsewhere, turn a corner to be gone. can't accept these invitations -- all the pieces complicated by the lines that go between, sight unseen and round about: nighttime rises, bringing doubts and templates for some far-off dream to crash the scene that never got to live in the house that jack built. can i learn to make the choice and turn the page to other words -- will the wind bring something wild or will the earth come up to meet?

14 february

I didn't go as far as I had planned this time -- let's say hoped -- but sure i went somewhere. A treadmill doesn't lead to else but still there is some progress. Let me rearrange a few tendons and make a bit of muscle in a workshop on the side: we are all the makings, and we are much makers. Any story has a writer or a liver or a taker but let it only be notes that are drawn away from this sketch -- a catch and carry, find and deliver retribution renegade, fading fast as the sun and leaning hard into the stars.

13 february

up and then down and there are halos just as craters -- waiting for the matters to even out in an odder sense means the bench is empty and the court is high -- wider than a summer fieldand lighter than the news, all the olds come streaming in and catch feet on the stoop -- watch the line and boil the bread: there are fish tonight -- even as the dark comes up i see the sounds i was hoping for -- leaning away from away and leaning into learning: this is the space i have carved and now i empty even this -- 

12 february

an unreasonable total but i'll vote all the viewing makes sense within some unknown context -- but not enough letters to spell that out: doubts only in this zone -- no phoning home can quell those fears, can steer those stares unaware and into tune -- looming overhead to weave a bed full of sleepless and sheet twists as i push out of the frame and claim some alternate views where the truths are evidence-based and the case is made while the cards are played out of the way -- save us from our sadder selves as shelves are just for books and looks into some other mirrors give clearer views for more than just reflecting

11 february

a bit ahead but really not that far and suddenly behind -- unwind with all the side steps twisting turnkey reality to its own lefty loosey righty tighty carousel -- well we do to understand the steps we take on webs, the buckles in our legs as we run back to where we were and again

10 february

sitting quietly but still too loud to hear the listening and the letting on without getting out of step: kept words spoil before long and the songs slip their groove around and again -- plans to hold the door some more are fading fast as words all turn to meaning

9 february

nothing to say but ways to mean -- screening doors and batting flies

8 february

some sort of clue, i think, would be the aim -- and what can i help you with? do you have any brown bread? does your family live with you? do you want to be A this time and i'll be B? let me tell you about my country. i have many friends in my country. i am from florida. florida avenue. true facts are the best kind.

7 february

because sometimes it's a good idea to stop holding your breath but then breathing in feels unnatural and you worry whether you'll ever get the hang of this again but before you can expire you have succeeded despite your overvoluntary nervous system and, in fact, because of it after all

6 february

all the wonderwhy piles up as if in evidence and about to make the argument it's blown away -- played its part and now heartfirst and fast as a mayfair -- where are you wishing and how did you go? old moons and new grass -- fresh and cool and dark

5 february

register to be a contender but never deliver without standing -- never strip without commanding and other trademaked names -- claim you're original and there's a full form to fill -- spill out of the lines and risk defining yourself -- the shelf is where the crayons stay but some lives must stretch beyond -- bowed in and rolled out with typographical strategies and empty breezes blowing full -- pull me into next, press me close to the rest and we will see when morning comes --

4 february

running farther does not require faster -- going nowhere at all but around and around -- over or under one in two, no way to calculate what's early -- to see and never to rise -- all of us want to be healthy and wise but more of us want to be happy or rich and hard times to tell if you're guessing who's which -- push past the easy ending, the garden tending and junk parked at the gate -- we've waited for our lifetimes and there's a bit still left to go -- comb the ridge and ride the range -- change the mountains for seas, the walls for fields -- grow high yield expectations with genetically modified opposition. the wishing and the wash, the catching and the toss: there are basic fundamentals and more fruit than we can grow -- catch a toe and pop it right: weasel makes the grade! spades and feathers, grass and nails -- put the build to sleep -- keep the title underground -- the flavor's much too deep for this crowd and i've allowed some uncertainty to creep in but it's a steep swim from here so jump in when you can --

3 february

something else along these lines might come up again and i think i'm looking forward to it -- around again and a push in some direction, unexpected but familiar -- the dark and wonder, the feel of more and the question of when. how the wind blows out there, how the heat grows here.

2 february

the conversations come and go and i know there is little to be done but slip the script and skip the tip so all the lines are lost and all the cards are tossed away so the play is more of a thing and the swing is too far to the wrong angle -- tangling with sky and why not -- caught between a shoulder and a sleeve as the arm reaches out to leave the body of the text behind: never mind the fitting of the plot to all we've got to settle now and again

1 february

because the three eggs needed for the recipe would leave one egg alone in the carton and i could not do it, there were some decisions to be made -- but in the end, i did it anyway. i closed the carton along with my eyes and stuffed the cool cardboard isolation chamber back into the fridge.