31 december

upon reflection: this collection of days was a phased, through which i passed, grass on which i slipped and fell and set a spell to rest and run circles around myself and others - not got the druthers to reconsider or rework the engine jerking and the ventilator whirring - purring is no way to live, forgiving is harder than it looks, forgetting's cooking mental books into hash browns to dash around like so many ships eclipsing the shore while the chorus scrambles to tell if it's a tragedy or a comedy - the drama breathes into motion even as the curtain suddenly drops and the stage notes suggest potential tomorrow

30 december

and what i would realize, on occasion, is the journalistic approach i took in recording my endeavors - photographic evidence, exact quotations with appropriate citation, detailed notes on what was ordered, the prices paid, and the timing of all apparently important steps - although the reasons for this exacting approach would remain unclear for some time

29 december

awkworld with smooth pieces puttying in between
humor and kindness and listening love
who you feel like being - want to live into -
no breath to hold but your own hand to give or keep
busy as planned to be, tired as allowed

this is the now i was telling you about me about
all the places to be to create
all the time in the world



- isn't it beautiful? wasn't it wonderful? it was a film by a harvard grad
- it's something you should read - no question about that
- i mean maybe it was crazy for an hour but i'm not about to pay someone for 8 hours when it's three thousand less coming in
- if it's slow we might want to / yeah, i'd be down to clean that
- i saw a movie the other day - and it was thrilling, absolutely thrilling/ well? / snow white from the 1950s, by of course walt disney and it's so pure! even the witch can't destroy - and the grace, the elegance / where was that playing? / at home, i brought it home
- the emphasis is authenticity, is lie, it just emphasizes that you have enough money and time to focus on that
- i thought it was a cool thing to do, and then i found out courtney love had auditioned for the mickey mouse club by reading sylvia plath
- closed for a funeral? oh my god. oh my god.
- i keep thinking that when i quote-unquote grow up, i'll get better at t, 'cause my dad is WICKED routne-oriented / mine too!
- i think everyone i've ever dated has an ex-girlfriend named christine. isn't that weird?
- julia child used to live around here - we're probably very close to where she used to do her grocery shopping. where do you do your grocery shopping?

28 december

world of words absurd to be heard and wild enough to unfile from the line - yours and mine and nobody's we know

27 december

undercover i have promises delivered shivered underneath the stars the cars pass by with headlights unsettled and all i've got are hours the power of a thousand lamps clamped beneath my eyelids off the grid and into bed and tomorrow morning let it be said i earned my dreams

26 december

and yet i keep asking / tasking the list with eclipsing sense: and also this and missed one more as if score is kept for having leapt over sense and straight on toward hope - the rope to climb without a knot / the lesson to learn without being taught - let me hear something and i will wear it as a clue or trample it too like so many stubbed troubles bubbling over - clovers in the outfields and reel to reel projecting: bothering without limits and right in it onward til morning

25 december

forgive me if i thought something you didn't say was true but we carve the rules every day with our answers and quiets - our breakfasts and whynots - the toobusy we embrace and that we set asde - no one's lied but there are so many truths - useful enough for construction but reduction is equally sound - we ground our self-evidence and take off in separate directions - the missed connections and redacted embraces of ideas and otherwise are no surprise to the waiting wonderers - plundering sleep and hope and everything else stuffed undeep in pockets

24 december

as all of the bags are being packed, all of the weeds are being whacked: we'd better start again. the strands are unwound and i've found that there is no sense in repeating the same plans for the same meeting (can't say an agenda will lend you much more credibility than the preponderance of inevitability adding up to tip the scales to save the whales that live in the house that jack built) and it's simple enough to point out the coming drought once it's already here but i told you so and you ought to know - by now i think it's clear - nerves in the kitchen and i'm heading out the door: stir your stew more carefully but don't think that i want a taste

23 december

I turned off my alarm - there was no reason for it - no cause to rise, no time which required action, at least on my part. I turned up the heat and imagined one of those frozen hotel rooms that doesn't warm up until you're already asleep and you wake up suddenly well after midnight, totally parched and with nothing left to drink but water from the tap, so you take the little paper hat with the hotel logo off the top of the glass tumbler on the tray with the ice bucket streaming its plastic waterfall locks into oblivion dreaming of the ice machine that never comes to call.

22 december

somebody once called it closing a door but what's more to the point is the disjointed scowl that slips off and out when no one's looking / cooking the booking and riding hope hard, we're scarred by missed opportunities - by chances fluttered in the breeze like so many accidental diaries of parallel universes - the curses and the blessings of those lessons we give to other but can never learn ourselves - good health and sleep and waking up: a day to try again

21 december

no reason to keep calling / falling all over invincibility / no easy tree to climb when the lime won't fit in the coconut / we've got guts and we've got pennies / lending our brokers our chances for success / what's next is an avalanche / a trance of opportunity / missed out but filled in / other please specify / nice try but done's what counts / what amounts to a whole lot of beans / meaning well gets in the way / stay the night and also no thanks / sleeping through the ranks and filing affidavits like nails too smooth for nylons trying on for size we all rise and meet what's next

20 december

all of the bricks we fix are ready to be broken by tomorrow this same time - we line our pockets with locked lips - tripping over clover without counting any leaves - sieves and flour and hours beyond end - extend time beyond space, erase the chase and grow into now

19 december

when you realize you've been holding your breath this whole time - so fine to find you're not underwater - there's so much air to spare for the asking - a brass ring for the joust and bull eyeing the target - enlarge it and there's no game, awaken and there's no shame in holding on to nothing at all, to letting go of hoping past sense and scratching all the dents on sale - fail is relative and so is win, yours are the laps to sink or swim

18 december

i don't wait up for anyone/ i easy stun like an alarm clock - a tick tocked forward and deep into action - traction on the counterbalance / challenge on the court, order on the sidewalk / streetsweepers sing neater songs than their counterparts dabbling in dramatic arts - if everyone is on the stage, no one's left to wach the show - go as your garden hardens toward winter, splinter as the wood picks teeth - lay the wreath and count the cards, harder still to win than chat, easy as the eyelids meet - yours the church and mine the steeple - his the doors that open dark - add the fingers and the people: numbers still short of the mark

17 december

got everything wrapped up tight and it's all night long a party i can't attend no way to amend the invitation while the hesitation stutter steps - i've crept past the doorway without peeking in - tangled sky and conversation and i'll just wait down the hall - calling back curiosity - a preposterously laid plate dinner date blinded by the sense of helplessness the awkward trends of kneebends and rugburns unearned but for giving pause - the applause on both their houses - alike in dignity but starcrossed with albatross tendencies - the wind, you see, is blowing and no need to hold the breath

16 december

oddly as we even up the scene we want less of what seemed more pressing than irons - all tossed in the fire like conspiring twigs afraid of the dark and anxious for ignition - what's missing is the storyline, the skip ahead choose your own adventure unmeasured by sticks or yards or rulers over us all - mine is the inch and yours is the meter: take me to task for i know i'm discreet for the making and under the taking - to give is to hope and to want is to leave a piece of yourself caught in the door as you frame next steps - stuck from the free and bound by the target

15 december

sorting disorder i find mismatched stocks that fit no locks or barrels - no boiling pots overrunning under sunning the marigolds - unfolding again beholden kick stands as the old gray goose wanders toward rest - let me count calories, add up the oysters - there's plenty for you left to do - take care of the orange juice, see how it grows the teacups that make no mistakes i'll red up the greenery hide all the eggs once calendars dim we will too

14 december

wait until the walls come down the nuts are roasted and the smoke blows away
stay another minute with me in it until morning turns the corner and we fade
no apologies no redundancies just a recipe for sense
making dollars out of collars and a suit to drive it home
we are chrome and we are silver we are made of lead
money metal paper plastic take it as we go
i am listening for papers for the news i write myself
giving tickets buying spots and marketing the rest
we tie ribbons we bend bows and off the curtain calls
let us now for ever after steady as we rush
turn the pages fill the teacups - cheers for all the yes

13 december

sequentially speaking it's one after the other and another thing comes up and it's on to the next - the text for analysis, the question for debate: these are the whatifs that keep us open late - someone if no one else is around - no one if there's anyone else - wait on the shelf til your number is dialed - hardly the style of forward motion - what floats in the water will rise in the air: closing my eyes means tomorrow we dare to listen more closely, to chalk up hash marks while we see the broader field while we play to win or yield but never ever look toward loss

12 december

if there's no point in venturing we'd best just go to sleep / i held my breath past dinner time but there are words to post and stars to swallow: why are all the recipes broken, the scripts unquoten, the hairs outgrown? like a rolling pocket stone the timely zone of opportunity claims immunity as it ticks the tocked clock chock block of incandescent lenses - all that time pretends as the garden falls - off we go and turn the page - remember future days

11 december

counting cards to break the deck to walk the side - the razor neck and the crooked crown, wearing the sun and slowing it down - too many answers beyond what is asked, too many lists without many tasks - all we can eat and hope and do - all of the living that fits in a shoe: apologies for how i think get flushed downstream and out the sink: these are the feelings i could do without, this is the sandwich that's stuffed with doubts - mine is the trouble and mine is the glory and mine re the markers that wash away - the headshakes and sneakuots and leftbehind heartaches will bloom without care any day

9 december

never mind as the unwinding comes down as the clock runs up a bill we can't foot - put down the duckies and i raised up the roof, with the truth trickling down the waterspout blues - all the king's horses and all the kings men were trumpeting triumphing over again but while the owls and the pussycats danced the moon didn't know what to think - the trials and troubles that boiled away leaving underdone noodles in the sink - while there are no chapters the pages flip fast and i cannot tell where i should turn - invitation out while the tides rush in leave the hostess unable to stand -

8 december

recording is forever but the paper here is thin as the ground we stand on / we land on our own toothy grins while the spindle leans gold and the car won't start / breaking hearts and taking names - the leaving always starts the same - keep the music playing loud enough to mask the door / as we store up opportunities the closet shelves go dark - parking under umbrellas and parables of onions / while we make our beds of rain and while we keep our pockets full - ours is for the calendar, ours is for when less than two the numbers don't add down

7 december

with minutes left the hours pass - tasked with carrying the weight and fronting the backend load - we explode with expectations through cold nights aching for closeness - the touch of darkness means movement toward other - drifting beyond sensibility and out past the wanting - the feeling of needing what you cannot explain, the rush of finding that the darkness houses stars - carrying on and floating up to everhigher wonders, to fortune cookie plunders and the dreams that aim to rhyme - we the cooks and we the cleaners and we the ocean wild

6 december

while the dark rolls in we are lifting the veil the parachute pale with clouds and tired of rain - swollen expectations deliver possibilities branching into whatifs and suddenly something is blooming - wait and watch and listen but move ahead with strength and colors built to last - we the wonderers take our bows when truths imagined come to live and moon lights floors where steps are taken - guide the now and greet the next, letters to a future world

5 december

bend break the stakes higher enough the tents flap and the wind grows - blow night by as the sky slows stars, stirs unraveling while the travels through the underbrush crawl - let the dancers take the benches, let the players rest - good king wenceslas and all the explorers in the cold wishing toward a warmer world and hearts to heat the dark - doors that open and maps that fade and whispers into sleep: keep the question, dream the answer - day to take its time - swallow whole the wonderwild, brew hope for fresh hot truth

4 december

if i had somewhere else to answer there would be more words, more songs to hear - now i pull tight night and trash bags gathering rustling into silence - listen for the carols sidewalked cold against spaghetti air - moist hot thick with cut red colors: listen as the table creaks - speak out tired, draw in answers - we the table, we the meal - let me step away from dinner - join the quiet out the door

3 december

challenge like a held breath underwater appetizing ankles in the high grass and constellation dreams cloud shape escape running streamwild tire all the envelopes and send us off to bed / we the wild we the wonder we the buttercream / catch whistles in the dark and snails in the rain / wait and stop waiting and go beyond again / this is the moment this is the dish to serve / deserving colors brighter bolder stars to rest upon

2 december

but at night there are brighter shades
jewel cut in distraction tones
sine to wonder to twisttie dreams
let me know when the sun comes up
no breath to hold, rolling over
listening for lasting
words to carry aloud
the way we work our meanings through
sense without sensibility
i know i hear i feel i see
clearer colors in the dark

1 december

settling down to the diner counter end shift shuffled through the daylong and overlooked underwriters of tomorrow's adventures wild as the rice and dilled as a cucumber smooth sliding water glass glistens on its tracks neon in the countertop puddles wet reflection

- kingfishers catch fire
dragonflies draw flame -

paper napkin wrappers and the covered end of straws
confederacy of menus tickets registers with cash
tip and slip out past pastry
casing the door, the chrome, the lot

30 november

Do you see? Everything is about starting a coffee shop. Sort of.

Art is the big yes. Writing is the big yes. The creation of something bold and new is the big yes. This I can get behind. While I may never think of myself as an entrepreneur, a business professional, or anything along those lines, I definitely see myself as a creator.

This, then, will be the creation. No matter how long it lasts or how successful it is, Two Suns Coffee is something I’ll focus energy on pushing out into the universe. I hope it floats, of course, and I hope it’s a place that you enjoy!

29 november

Coffee and Cigarettes is one of those things. I first saw it years before I met C. Really not sure how it first came to my attention, actually. If you haven’t seen it, I’d probably recommend it. Maybe not a success in all crowds, but people I like tend to like it. (This is not a test.)

So it’s a series of black and white shorts that all involve – stay calm – both coffee and cigarettes. It was one of the first films that C and I both put on the list and actually watched, long before we had Two Suns plans, as a result of a discussion on – yes, one more time – both coffee and cigarettes. I have strong opinions on both, in case you were wondering.

There are all kinds of people in this film – famous people, I mean. Tom Waits and Iggy Pop! Bill Murray is there – surprise! Wu Tang Clan is surprised to find him there, too. Aren’t we all lucky? Plus, the kicker – Jack and Meg White! Also Jack’s Tesla coil! I don’t want to spoil it for you, but Jack does most of the talking. Surprise!

Anyway, it’s cool. More the coffee than the cigarettes, of course, but it’s a good opportunity to consider how coffee appears in so many different scenes and with so many different characters. It’s one of those constants that supports, promotes, facilitates, entertains and encourages change. Who knew that watching this experimental-ish styled film would be one more step on the path to the experiment that is Two Suns?

Plus, did I say that it’s in black and white? Right. And that.

28 november

Getting ready for the holidays, we’re preparing to send holiday cards out to our supporters. I just made a list of the people we will definitely be sending to. At this moment, it’s about 12 households. You’re right. That’s not too many. Still, it’s a start. Wait, 13. No, 14. It’s an expanding list. A few more to come before we send, probably, but you get the idea.

This is the part that interests me. How will we go from being a name in a dozen households across the country to a recognizable local phenomenon?

Storytelling is part of it, I think. I’m excited about the story we have already and the story to come. I’m excited to tell the story and to revise our early drafts into more polished efforts. I’m excited to think about other people thinking of us and making us part of their stories. I’m excited about the stories that we’ll help to create for others.

Networking is definitely part of it. I don’t love this. Sure, I like having friends and family, and I appreciate all of their help and support. However, the idea of asking people to support something that’s more or less a pet project to start with… it’s a challenge. I used to have to sell Girl Scout cookies, and that was kind of along the same lines. Still, in that case, my dad would take the order form to work, my mom would do the same, and I could always ask my teachers, too, beyond the awkward walk around the neighborhood knocking on doors. Now, though, the situation is pretty different. I’m not walking around annoying people and asking them for their help. Instead, I’m setting up shop and hoping that people come to me and offer their help. Come one, come all! Tell your friends! Simple enough.

Innovation will be a thing. Is a thing. Being unique is certain – there’s no suns like two suns, like they say. Who says this? Don’t worry about it. The point is, we’ll need to stand out, and preferably in a good way. New ideas. New connections. New ways to attract, impress, and keep our customers. Sure, we can’t intrigue everyone, but we can do our best to keep it fresh for those we’d love to have as customers.