justwrite 17 november

Taking a new seat, this one beside the wall and facing away from the front door, Aileen begins to write.

I wish I could come up with a project that would be interesting enough to get people involved but not big enough to be impossible for me to manage or if not just me then me and one other person and I’m smiling when I write this because Vanya of course this is the person I’m thinking about and why shouldn’t I be thinking about him because that was some email am I right yes I’m right and what’s he going to write next I wonder but yeah I haven’t even written back to him yet so why would he reply to what he wrote that would be too much right I think yes but I don’t think I’d be upset about it I’m just saying like if he had something more to say that he forgot in the first note something like that then that’d be okay but when I am going to be in kyiv again anytime soon it’s not like it’s so close right I mean if I had a car it’d be one thing but maybe a train’s better anyway like for the environment and really it’s not like you can sleep in a car while still getting somewhere unless someone else is driving and it’s not like anyone else is driving me I am driving this car myself! Even though the point is that I don’t even have a car but baby you can drive my car I’d say given the chance and the right background music but to regroup. Full stop. This is what happens when I write what I think I’m surprised that I can focus ever in real life because on paper I am way out of sense and need change need an outline or something as much as structure is constricting or like iea would say boa constructing it’s tight around my throat I think it’d good sometimes right but what else can I say before getting back to the topic my tea just appeared but I’m not sure how that happened because I definitely didn’t see Rosy bring it or even the waitress if she is a waitress or the dishwasher I feel like I should give him a name but that’s too pushy isn’t it I mean I did just create him out of nothing and bring him to life from simple thoughts so maybe he ought to have a little free will or maybe that’s what his name should be like Little Free Will and it’s a joke because he’s tall oh oh! And he likes to read philosophy! And comics! It’s embarrassing how much I make myself laugh.

Aileen pauses, smiles, sips her tea. Sihydny chai z imberon. Served with milk. Mmm. Smiles again. Almost chai in the American sense, among all kinds of other varieties of chai in the Ukrainian sense.