28 february

but if you say what you feel
in the moment
and later change or shift or regret
these words are already gone
unrecallable yet permanently echoing
and who's to say
that's not for the best
let's let it out
unsteady as we go

27 february

what am i going to do with you
where you is me
and i am still uncertain
a time ago and maybe a half more
i would have opened the door, stepped through
today the phone is ringing
and i am watching for the mail
a rerun with a different ending
pasted on for show
hourglass full of bubbles
rainbows in the photocopier
brand names and reframed lenses
what depends is what remains
whether this door works both ways

26 february

doesn't matter
sleep now
fingers fumble to press
out into the dark
pillow ready and day heavy
small bright window close
out is out and down i fall
- long day's journey into night -

25 february

because i have stepped into this box
of my own accord, of course,
i am limited to this space
walls and width and why

because i close my eyes
it is harder to see what i'm missing
to know where and how i go wrong
to tell there are many other ways

in the room next door: practicing guitar
in the parking lot through the window: snow removal
twangs and strums, back-up beeps
here there is work being done

dark in the space
turning instead to sleep
disappointment in less turning more

24 february

in the space between seats
empty in the soontobe dark
holding my breath: i let it go
a meditation on disonnect
i am apart and i am a prt
no need to cry when given what i've asked for
when i step back i see i am a step back
the old fear the new fear the same
alone and leaning
i have forward still to go

22 february

no calls to return when there are none to make
waitinf for an end to waiting only
inside - the quiet, the space
outside - the quiet, the space
any weather is a reason, is an excuse
schedule too full, too empty
if i had a little i would want a lot
if i had a lot i would want more
if i could give more who would want it
if i gave it all what would i have left

21 february

hard to tell which call to take
which phone to ring to hand to hold
all quiet on the static front
electric cackles and streaming mos def
tired of the expiry date
no interest in outreach
the leaning in and the teaching
i like the way it's worked for
i think i'd like to see more
but less is forecast rainy snowblast
windy along the winding road that leads to silent nights

20 february

with the space between sleeps wider and thinner
stretched wide across the same frame - pulled tighter
night slipping into a sliver
nothing but a splinter to be worked out
couched in runningwild constellations
the minutes united to easily divided
sliced into millibits and tangled ships of web
cobbled like stones to shoes and swords to tables
in the fables there's not always sun
dark is the day is the night and beyond

19 february

open too long and too wide
my eyes map their escape
charting red straggling courses
outward and onward away
all the hours and all the piles
the lists and the asks and the dos
thoughts of lunch early and late and only just thought
wait until -
and drifting closed, the maps dim
no web of trails to follow
no elsewhere left to go

18 february

if i ask for more it is because i believe there is more
whether it is in you or down some other road
in some other mirror hidden in the dark
under covers afraid to step into the cold open
riding a bus to somewhere else with no ticket
running away from one thing and into another
whether it is underwater or in the sky
beneath the ground or streamfast flowing
i know it is there - four-leaf clover easter egg
waiting back and rushing toward
i ask i want i seek

17 february

could you would you
easily so
reason abandons letting us know
turn the page and find there are no more
the sad face recognizing the start of goodbye
seasons and sun turn turn a grinder full
shake it up out off
away we go and also tomorrow

16 february

but if you're asking
i would change a few things
again - if it was me -
i would make it my own
although
if you're not really asking
sure - great stuff

so easy to tell: you should really
so hard to do: i should really
mirrors unclearer than we thought
truth unused when it points back within

15 february

as if when i was running i was going somewhere
tales full of sound and no sense signified
we tried and still i kept asking
windy nights bring back
dark is cold is deep is memory
questioning the whatif and the nowthen
wheezing myself to sleep
even as howls outside revise expectations
strength in uncertainty
forward around corners, trials over bridges
focus instead on now
in breaths and out
slow as ragged curtains fluttering show the sun

13 february

and when the windows are dark
i can slip in unannounced
no apologies or pleasantries
under the wire the tip of toes
breath held released
sighing into night into sneaking past
the last one in to pull the door, close the gate
on a scale of yes to please
tomorrow i'll say something
tomorrow i won't return

12 february

and if no one's waiting at the gate
home still waits
closed and dark
awaiting hesitating - the long monument before
you open the door,
slip in, enclosed

10 february

furthermore there are other directions to go
not for lack of trying will we mss out
corners are for turning,
daylight for burning - only for illumination
after all - after all is said
done
dissected
bested
the taste of grilled cheese and potato leek soup
a sidewalk with light-up panels
cathedral dotted with morning moon
neon signs and empty sheets
traffic in two cars

louder these than any static
whynot whatif navelgazing
losing winning space between

real is the wind is the pillow in the dark

9 february

and if i had something worth juggling
in either hand
or both
i would certainly be trying
not shrugging at the mirror
giggling or disgusted in rapidfire switchup

plans for self-improvement
never as compelling
i am the one that got away

8 february

but to build on possibility it's still nice to have foundation
something to lean into, to stand upon while flailing
there is no balance in forward-only motion
i am drawing a map but the pieces are puzzling
breaking up and getting back together
weathering odds and evening out of bounds
a quick spin cycle and the dryers are out
all the static fit to broadcast and news that's turning olds
holding my breath so i don't spill controversial
lines never approved - underused and overwritten
smitten with overanalysis and a chalice full of shallowness
i am rhyming without apology
an airport always waiting to take off

7 february

because i did not know the answer of course
i was loathe to ask the question

even asking the question makes something out of quiet
otherwise easily passing by A Situation
smoothly without incident or capitalization

if you could do anything what would you tell me
how gardens grow and what people do with their weekends
no one's shoes to clean up after

thinking about getting a dog a cat a car a ticket to somewhere else
the stories people build out of ingredients and props
coffee cups full of careful latte art
poses supposed to show us
got it figured out and in the right light something beautiful

turning out the day it's hard to add up
what takes away and what we save for tomorrow
filling up and pushing through and letting drift beyond

i will see the northern lights and i will return to laden tables and i will gather all
knowing my place is no place but where i find myself

6 february

california redeye and what else can i do for you? sunday for the catchup and saturday for the whiteboard - underscored and overwon - hung out to dry on telephone lines and sneakers that speak to the sentiment - dependent on basketball and also interpretation: my hesitation is no lost but yes i do wander and up the wide steps - left of the center and afterward the story born out in pictures and listeners too fresh for song - we are the cattle call and we are the prairie - wanderers we weave and pass along our answers - cranberry juice and opportunity - your sideby neighbor on an outbound plane - two nights away from home and a day that will break without cracking, spilling over and scrambling, with second guesses left on the clock

5 february

easy enough to toss off that mask
turn right back around and out the door
pride and also fear and i am leaving
put yourself in your own shoes from another view
i am the destroyer become my own worst hope
apologies for apologies and by now no one listens
paid in for the privilege then canceled - no refund
stun the census and reprimand remainders
on trial for bringing for charges

4 february

so easy to slip back into
leaning on hope into maybe
*presume positive intentions*
ascension beyond reality or validity
inflation of situations with additives subtracted
always imagining the best
expecting the floor to drop out
doubt of the youme variety
even as all else bounds upward
confidence in spades, losses all in hearts

3 february

overdrawn like a bank account about to fold
under the sidewalk cracking up and spreading
roots like a well-trained pig searching for truffles
ruffling feathers like all get out and we do

let me start again
looking for the page i meant to send out
words to solve the scenes
action i wanted to take and uncertain curtains to rise
chime in and be counted, whatifs - somedays - maybes

2 february

easy to see shadows
rarely need to look
they loom - loosely weaving in dark strands
commanding attention
striking down light - sinking the very fabric
we wrap ourselves in
eager for warmth
stepping away from sodden sails
forward into unknown seas
lifting the mast can't last past tomorrow
blow and the boughs will break

1 february

the softest bagel still in place

opening to records set up by community

leftovers and overs on repeat

share and share alike and like it

there are tables and unstable drinks enough for all

I am different because and also you should know

the telling without listening

blowing without showing

all the glare staring back and the mirror never clearer than the mind