31 january

in a gasp i can feel the rise flare up fire profanity incensed spewing out disgust of course this is how it turns how it always ends why i would ever imagine hope wish for something else such a waste and then
just as easily sometimes
as if a breeze
all forgiven
willingness to try again
if we ate salad
if brought you a baking potato
tomorrow or we watched
gregory peck together in
to kill a mockingbird and i
tried not to recite it
all
but
knowing the wind changes
i would rather
instead
keep my head down

30 january

challenges of life
as literature lovers, authors
:

mystery enthusiasts
who feverishly gather clues
checking clocks
noting abnormalities
awaiting drawing room reveals

poets seeking tight rhyme schemes
predictable meter
patterns - haiku - sense
only to face epics
of free verse

novel and short story supporters
who find such
striking characters
dramatic, lively -
yet out of bounds of any diagram
and wholly unresponsive to editing

:
creators of unverses
we are reduced to the roles of recipients/audiences/readers

- - -

#
the human drama
already in progress

#
because reading
reminds me
i want to be -
keep being -
a writer

#
because teaching
offers meaning
to an otherwise
awkward assortment
of experiences -
my life -
the ramen noodle instructions,
perfect for practice
on tone, on assumptions

29 january

the curl to the wall and
up the covers:
safest place to be
peeled from the sofa in the dark
pressed between television hazes

i would rather just keep sleeping
there is much too much to do
afraid to write the list down
afraid to lose my place
i have value because i do

wish i remembered
i don't have to say what i think
wish i remembered
i don't have to feel so out loud

28 january

and wish well whether poiwered by pennies
or underpillow teeth
by held teeth or lifted feet by
blown-out dandles or by tugged-apart
wishbones -
on a star or a rainbow
or a four-leaf clover -
in a mirror or on santa's lap:
wish you may, wish you might

27 january

just stop stop stop
so much it's hard to remember
how or when to go
to let go release breathe at
what she is laughing at and why
who anyone else is talking to
why so loud
anywhere anywhy

the kindness of being known
being seen as oneself
as hoped for
not in numbers
although also in numbers
without - it would be -
thankful for gratitude
quiet, better
wink and say goodnight

26 january

building a tent of light in the middle of dark spaces until pressure crashes down and i close my eyes goodbye

25 january

what's clear to me is that i would watch even if it was just a few folding chairs and the characters sitting around chatting about random current events and popular culture references - a support group adrift on a craft of relevance: i will rescue you with caring - familiar as the sunday nights before monday freshman homeroom as underlined an unaligned student exclamation mark - through back to the times when was pointed at rather than leaned hopefully toward - when waking up at the wrong hour to a crack of light from outside the bedroom was just chilling enough but still safe - no one was really alone at home - warm in a different dark, static to a different theme

24 january

as if the numbers matter when really it's just the words you know - or it seems to these ears, though what i hear and how i look and what i see and how i feel are all a mix of signifiers - tea leaves and eyes crossed with dots, rising in the house of a lonely planet: a discovered in a far-flung orbit, discussed and supposed only by conjecture and its influence on others passing by - the mark of a remarkable life, unseen but by influence - unobtrusive but by distance - goals unexpected prevail from the science report as if tomorrow's forecast: setting sail at dawn

23 january

putting time into putting in time
stuck inside only the metaphors we
build ourselves and other short story
labyrinth collections spilling into eighties
movies and rockstars and other space
oddities floating in tin can allies as
we wait for the dishes to wash
the salad to toss, and all of the
captains to crunch: icicles away
and the tempests will be frost

22 january

my name is blizzard
carrying the attention
dimensions and batteries
comparisons beyond design
why else would we keep asking
somehow i still want to know

i can keep up my end of the
conversation and also the energy
until i drop and then i can't

21 january

but underwise and otherwise
i should really have else to do
and i agree as it is said
even as i feel pitied
and must forcefully disagree
feign indifference, inloneliness
all figured out here, thanks

20 january

anyway i tried
and at the least i kept moving
more than i could say for
until i stopped
there was no reason to
and i heard myself
mouth without meaning
words without reason
and i remembered
we are the creatures

19 january

because i need to be asleep
before i can close my eyes
and the second wind blows anyway
even when i'd rather stick

18 january

and somehow more tired after
although the appeal of sleep is
rich caramel golden a deep hue
of experience to be submerged in
rather than a quick splash of
sugar thrown into your open
mouth hopeful and waiting
across the room all day and
looking for more of the same after
as if as a reward for patience

17 january

because i might as well be asleep
because no one will stop me
otherwise anyway because i have
no need to call back because
it was the wrong number
after all because i could be
protected from myself from time
to time like now

16 january

like reading lines from a script
only at different times
from different pages
of different revisions nd
projected unevenly sometimes
unaudibly or with tones
unintendend by the author
(of dubious origins anyway)
and often while others in
the same scene are
asleep or abrod or
really just not in the mood
for all of that right now thanks

15 january

consistency and hobgoblins
walk foolishly into a bar
give me a beer and a mop
and the skeletons get back in
the closet - closet thing
to a stumbledown setup -
fog in the parking lot and
night in my head - keep
all the pieces separate
from the pie and unbuild
down to the block

14 january

as a preventative
i am thinking of opting out
as if to say: someone else will have to
step up or just stop
these are not the words i was
looking for just they write themselves
and the paper decides to run out

13 january

it means looking in the mirror
even when you're not
turning away
when there's nowhere else to look

seeking tower, window
seeking quiet, space
lost: space
found: space

12 january

even as the odds may be
i'll cut the deck before i hit it
run out of time
and never get caught
buy all the glue and come unstuck
i have all the advice to give
watch me as i fall apart
score of 3 on a sliding door
bursting through the screen

11 january

too fat for fitness
too shredded for cheese
elsewhere are appointments
inside there are pleas
plummet to recovery
turn the corner round
upside down in resolution
no peace to be found

10 january

more space, ideally
but what i'd do with it --
curl up tighter, smaller
turn away from sun
too loud, too much
quieter and darker
sleep through until else

9 january

by the time i know it's too late it is
earlier than i had hoped
had looked for grace
a break from myself
instead the need to burn off
catch fire and draw flame
so many dragonflies fishing for kings
so much rain in fogged rearviews
i'm sorry and i have no more

8 january

the frequency with which
each finger appears to be
important and in fact nearly
unlivewithoutable is directly
correlated to the frequency
with which an injury or
incapacitation, no matter
how slight, may occur.
paper, the destroyer, and
the edges of things conspire
to inspire us toward appreciation.

7 january

later but no exercise
calories but no burning
i am not angry but i wait
a brighter way to fail
darker as the feet beneath
runtime down the clock

6 january

stepping still to stand
reflect without complaining
still the light too bright to see
thrill the dark fantastic
folding into a blanket night
comfort as alternative
mend the head that breaks the day
swallow half and hope for whole

5 january

if i don't look at the light
my eyes will turn the rest off
shut away any further strands
pulling out more than hair
stretching for thought
out by the roots

4 january

of all the places to go i am
still in the same space
more empty from this angle
try as one might
two might try less
addition means subtraction
the loneliest number that you've ever
stumbled upon
as the song doesn't quite go
as sad as
as bad as
a broken tooth and cough to spare
no one's picking up
no need to leave a message

3 january

but if i close my eyes
light will fade
pounding will slow
there are miles to go still
before i sleep
but if i close my eyes
just for now

2 january

reaching out to act like caring
means out from under a blanket
and into the cold and when the
touch is not to warmth the stretch
seems not worthwhile although
sometimes the touch is to socold
freezing that it sticks and
cannot be retrieved -- so cold
that can't let go --

1 january

filling up moves around the
space until at some point there
is no more although - if you
subscribe to the law of conservatoin
of matter as of course you
ought since it's a law and
hardly a theorem or some
such - well then that just can't
be can it and box it and
mark it with a G for gone