Skipping tracks, a few additional notes before tomorrow:
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The fact that yesterday I wrote the date in my
notebook as September. What.
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Both total faith and preparation for
disappointment in prepping to run two miles. The idea of setting a good example
(niece, sister, students, world at large) as a better motivator than
self-improvement or construction of self-confidence.
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The irony in taking down the large blue word NOW
written on my ceiling above my bed in painter’s tape – originally intended as a
motivator for getting up and moving – only weeks (a week?) before this “get it
done” November effort.
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An official (albeit semi-) list of what I’ve
pledged to do and also some items just in my head (unofficial, albeit semi-)
but mostly impacting my behavior anyway. No problem here, but a little
inconsistency regarding the standards and expectations I will judge my success
against. Because even when there are no judges or teachers, scores and grades
matter to me.
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Seeing other people prepare to give up makes me
want to dig in and get done even more. Am I better than them? Am I simply more
stubborn? Do I have the self-confidence born of experience? Yes to at least one
of those. Possibly two. Refuse to admit defeat!
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Fingers in tinfoil. Why don’t I call it aluminum
foil? Anyway. Fingerfoil. Stop. Go. The apparent secret to taking off gel
nailpolish, notoriously good at sticking to your nails. A good thing and a bad
thing. The inability to use your phone or a remote effectively during the
at-least fifteen minute time period required to loosen the surly bonds of gel
polish. The extra time allotted because you’ve already been warned that
insufficient time will be, as it were, not enough, and because you certainly do
not have any interest in doing this again. “Trying to save foil”, my sister
told me, explaining the phrase to mean unintended overuse as a result of
intentional underuse originally. I will not be undone by polish!
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The comfort of the dishwasher swirling the dark
to sleep.
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