because afterward it is dark and surprisingly so even if a pattern is clear steering repeatedly in the wrong direction with no course correction can have that effect -- we reflect our own fears and play them out loud and not proud to admit weakness there are fault lines all over for easy tripping and heavy handed dipping out of borrowed time as if there's so much to see to be had and we're glad to see the end of it until it comes again -- unplanned and known from far away in slow lurching approach --
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