23 february

her greatest fear
she said
was that she would develop Tourette's suddenly
and throw her child
her baby
helpless to the ground

and with this into the air she sat back a little
face open
ready for the what
but having breathed out just a piece of this
something gravelly
something stuck within
something read or heard or wound up under a pillow
sleepless in the cracks as the weeks pass by
furniture and baby clothes
breast pumps and decision machines

this will not happen
we all said
will not
and if the baby falls
which babies do
well
babies do
and they grow up
fine
healthy
human

but even farther back in my own chair
empty and unlikely
i knew this as the reason
what if i were to drop the ball
so much to carry
never mind the weight the body the wriggle
who could ever take the chance
long beyond armcarrying and rocking
midnight feeding and babble talking
out into the big the wide the real