16 december

here's the draft I'm crafting too rough for much but I did capitalize myself a helpful shelf to stack tall enough for a second helping which is what I get when I serve here I deserve clear through to the second story but live on the third absurd as it seems this may be the fourth

traveling north I meant to start my draft here and so I will skip again begin again begin

it's about putting by setting aside tucking away

this is why my cupboard is never bare but I am always running out of what to eat the boxes of chocolate turning to wax as they wait for guests to test their creamy centers or some other kind of mettle the middle always wondering against itself the hrechka from the russian store in boston tossed in up against the hand-delivered bag from my ukrainian boss-no-more exploring the inside of the second shelf: well there they sit waiting for the right time and I am saving them and waving goodbye until the Right Bright Moment where the doughnut holier than itself scoops its own middle and falls through : the truth set free -- I am breezing by this point too ridiculous to say :

we're saving the good silverware the china the tablecloth for when company comes -- you are what are nothing are not worth are less than are something other and therefore and wherefore and my father told me Things Are To Be Used but oh the sadness when my tablecloth was stained by careless guests who covered up their spill for days in the living room bedroom dining room sad as they took the bus away and I lift up the oh no lesson but who was learning who was earning life lived Life Is To Be Lived And Often Stained with no blame

the story of driving more safely with someone important in the car the idea that you are the caught-up nostalgia for the hope of something else the captured self in a side-angle mirror I am putting by these ingredients these treats -- the Easter candy, now for Christmas, back for Easter, Christmas again : all the sweeter for the stocking, all the boats in the mindchannel rocking